Lung Cancer: On Again, Off Again

November 12, 2008

It just wasn’t meant to be. For whatever reason–I was not suppose to be in Nashville today and having scans.

After getting cancelled and being rescheduled multiple times– Dec 23, Dec 2; the end of November, this Thursday– we finally got the scans re-schedule again for today. Late today, but today. I wouldn’t be able to see my doctor, but at least the scans would be over and I could be in touch with my doctor when he returned. They told me not to eat or drink until after the scans…AKA 8pm.

I did a few things around the house; kept my mind busy. For me, I can’ do quiet work on Scan Day. I can’t sit around. I need to stay busy– and my house usually looks better in the end.

I was ready to leave the house for the 75 minute drive. And the phone rang. I thought it would be my daughter checking in after school. It wasn’t. It was the hospital. They were cancelling the scans! Again. “We aren’t able to do your scans today. …. the contrast…. check with your Doctor’s office…Sorry for any inconvenience…” What??? I hung up the phone and immediately hot tears came to my eyes.

It just wasn’t meant to be. Not today anyway. The office called me shortly afterward, explaining some problem with the constrast needed for the liver MRI which I’m still not sure about. All I know is I’m not having scans again. They gave me another date, later this month and not in December. I can’t even remember it now. All I know is it’s later, not today.

It’s a disappointment.

I’ve dealt with lung cancer enough to know that’s all it is. A disappointment. Nothing bad, nothing life changing, nothing more. Yes, I truly wish I had them over with. I don’t want to go through the apprehension again. I don’t want to set aside another day to scans. (It truly consumes the entire day). But, in the end, it’s only a disappointment and nothing has changed–only the date on a calendar. It just wasn’t meant to be.

The bright side, my house is clean…. really clean.