The Sound of Music

June 18, 2009

I’m due for new scans soon. Actually, very soon. Less than a week now. And I’m not nervous this time. I’m usually always nervous. Not this time. It’s odd to not worry about new scans. Usually, at this time I’m uptight, I can’t concentrate and I’m irritable. Even when I try to be causual and friendly, the intense stress shows through to those who know me well. Truthfully, until today, I’ve barely thought about them.

I am not worried because I believe the cancer is gone. I know that probably sounds crazy-even looney, given the reputation of lung cancer. And I know this cancer well. It’s relentless and takes mercy on nobody. However, I think I’ve seen the last of it.

In my ‘before cancer’ life, I used to wake up hearing music. In the period of time when I begin to wake and become fully conscious, I would hear soft, peaceful, graceful music that would gently bring me back from sleep and I loved it. It seemed the perfect way to start my day, and after fully waking I would lay there and remember the softness of the music while I prayed before starting the day. After cancer, the music stopped. I didn’t realize everybody didn’t hear music until I started mentioning the music had stopped and worry had replaced it forever, I thought.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, the music returned. Not every morning, but many mornings; most mornings. And that’s when I knew the cancer was gone. It’s gone.

The Sound of Music has returned.